Saturday, October 02, 2010


Phew! I am returning to the blog after such a long time. Never felt the desire to write in this medium at all. But today, in one of those low moods for which I am particularly famous, I looked back into the older entries of my blog and found that I have hardly changed. I am so disappointed that I am the same. There is nothing new and spectacular about me. The issues continue to be the same and I respond to them in the same old way. It may take another couple of months for me to settle in all the new decisions that I have taken. I am tired of speaking to my friends the same things. My complaints are the same and their responses continue to be the same.

I am planning to take off for a while. I am going to the beach for less than a week. I just want to get away from this regular routine of housework, child work and court work. Also want to get away from seeing mails and the cause list. But right now I am so low that even the holiday feels boring and unattractive. Sitting here in this chair I feel that I will only end up getting bored out there. A sure sign that I am low and miserable. Last week I was so enthusiastic about my readings which I assiduously collected. But this week, I am not even looking at them. Last week was also bad as I fell sick with this virulent viral infection which took the breath away from me. Maybe it is a low produced by the viral infection. How I wish I can blame it all on the virus. It is definitely not pms. Or maybe all my hormones are screwed up and I am just depressed. Maybe I should just take a walk and exercise my body. Maybe that will drive out these spirits which are plaguing me. Maybe I should take Puttu and out and go to a bookshop and just buy some books. Maybe I should draft some petitions. But I am through with most of my work that I had set-up for the week. Tomorrow morning I shall also read the Warangal workers file and put my conscience in the clear. So, there seems to be no rational explanation for my feeling low. All this points to those wretched hormones. So there is something to the hormone theory after all. However, before I pounce on those hormones, I have to let my bile out about that stupid back massage. What a waste. It made me feel no good at all. It only made me worse. I shall not tell you all how much I spent but it is abominable. What do I do to get that money back? How do I punish myself?

How do I laugh at myself? Why do I take myself so seriously? Just have a laugh. Laugh like Alekhya who lives her life without a care and without a tear. Nothing affects her and yet she is so full of duty and cheer. Please, I want my cheer back. I want to be cheerful. I dont want to be a sour face. I dont want to be a dump. Buck up girl! Buck Up! Buck up and do what you had planned to do for the next week. You wanted to read and write. Whether you write or not, atleast please read. Have a good time and read. And do look forward to your life.

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